Circles

There are days when words are flowing, concepts are being understood, and goals are being met. During these times I am just elated. My day is great, the sun is shinning all in my smile and attitude. Then there are days when there are very little words, instead of goals being met every goal is a challenge, and life at that moment  is just a complete struggle. During these times instead of sunshine I am in complete disarray, there is no sun, and I think that the progress that had just taken place weeks prior is completely over and now here we are back at the beginning. This is why I entitled this post circles because this is exactly what I go through providing love and support for a child with Autism.

I was at the lake and captured this image. The circle was created as a reaction to the twig that I threw in the lake. Well as I think about this image I can apply it to my thought life. Autism is the twig and the ripple effect which is the reaction of the fallen twig is my minds circle of thoughts. All I am trying to say is whenever there is a bad day or a series of bad days I can just have all sorts of rippling thoughts. Will he ever get better, I haven't heard him speak in a while, is he losing what he lost previously, can he still understand me? These are my thoughts which are just circles because they go around and around. Now I know that you are wondering well okay how do you get through that? How do you overcome these emotions and or thought patterns? Well for me I just have to remember that this condition directly affects the Nervous System in the body, and therefore there is a misfiring of the neurotransmitters that send signals to tell his brain to do a certain thing. This is the cause for the series of bad days. With that being said I always have to remember that and always keep a sunshiny attitude no matter what. Since I have noticed that I have these circles of thoughts I have made a conscious effort to keep them in check. I am not a master at this. I definitely still  have struggles but I am willing to share my struggles because I know that I am not the only one with these circles of thoughts, and I am here to be a support for parents by sharing the details of my daily battles in hopes of you reading and gaining the strength and encouragement that you need to know that you too are going to make it through this.
Besides this smile just gives me so much hope.

    

Stares & Awkward Smiles.

Whenever I am invited to a party or a place where there are other children I always try to make sure that I am SUPER prepared for the event. Now  one may think what is the definition of SUPER prepared? Well first there is the mental preparation, all the things that you know will happen but is still awkward....like your child rolling a car on the table instead of playing and interacting with the other children. In your world that is the norm but to  everyone else that instantly is a conversation piece. So in that you have to prepare mentally for the round table discussion, followed by questions. So that's okay but then there are the things that may happen that you never would have thought could happen and that is where mental preparation is needed. Secondly you must be armed with your child's motivation bag, and in this bag are all the simple things you use to encourage good behavior and to prevent embarrassing melt downs. Finally there are all the details of preparation for the party, getting dressed, brushing teeth, transitioning from the house to the car, holding hands to walk to the party, adjusting to new people, sounds, and action at the party, whew.......I get exhausted just thinking of it but in these examples you can see just why I call it SUPER prepared. Now that I have you in the frame of mind of the struggles that are always present now let's proceed. Remember how I said that there are things that you know are going to happen, and things that you never thought  would happen.......well those things are how I came up with the title of this post, "Stares & Awkward Smiles."  Well at the party that I really just had all planned out had a slight bit of unexpectedness. It was the end of the party and the children were very excited to  have sung  the birthday song and now it was time for yummy cake and ice cream. Everyone received their cupcake and just began to eat and smile and laugh. Well  Raymond had another idea in mind...........

He decided that he wanted to smear icing on himself and then make shapes in the icing........too funny right!?
Well this could have been done by any typical two year old right......right! But because none of the other children were doing that and he was already involved in a round table discussion about Autism there were many Stares & Awkward Smiles.  So in conclusion I just cleaned him up said Uh-OH and we went on with our day. There will be people who don't understand and as long as I am his mother I will always be sure that the people in my life WILL! I will always be a voice for the Autistic child. For they are very different but NOT LESS!!!!!!